The Will Of Gods
by NeferNeferNefer
Summary: Too much was left unsaid between Lagertha and Rollo. (A missing/alternate scene for Episode 5.11: Revelation.)


**The Will of Gods**

_"The standing ash_

_is called Yggdrasil_

_eternally greened enthroned_

_above Urd's well."_

_\- Rotlaust Tre Fell _by Wardruna

* * *

Rollo was not even sure what he was expecting when he had reached out to find both Bjorn and Lagertha.

He knew he had betrayed them by joining forces with Ivar: but still, he felt the pressing need to make sure that both of them would be alright.

Both Bjorn and Lagertha held a place in his heart which could not be replaced. Sure, he did love Gisla and their own family, but not even she could invade the special place he had reserved for them inside his heart. The place which solely existed for Lagertha… And Bjorn, of course.

Gisla could never accept the wild, Northern part of him: the part which was imprinted so deeply into him that it could never be erased, not even if he wanted to. To be honest, Rollo wasn't even sure if he wanted to do that in the first place.

In the abandoned, isolated wilderness, Rollo found her: her beautiful face was marred by both time and the scars left there by the cruel twists of her fate. The sadness was evident on her face as she gazed to the direction of lowlands. Her fair blond hair had turned into silvery gray.

But her beauty, in his eyes, had stayed unswayed. In fact, she had became even more elegant, even more magnificent, standing in her solitary glory like a noble oak-tree, whipped and hardened by the seasons, yet still unmoved by it all.

The fate had not been as kind to Rollo himself. He was painfully aware that he had turned into an despicable old man, broad on his waist and gray on his hair. Long gone were those days when the eyes of the women would feast upon his figure. He had become almost transparent, unnoticeable to them.

He was tamed like a wild beast turned into a household animal: something which Christians seemed to love. Taming nature into their own will, saying it was the will of their God, even though it was evidently the will of their own.

Not much was left of the warrior he had once been. He was almost ashamed to face Lagertha as he was, but the need to do so was even more pressing than his own fears.

"It's been a while," she simply stated, not turning to look at him.

"That's an understatement. But yes, it certainly as been a while," Rollo huffed back, as he walked to stand beside her.

She turned to look at him, her gaze expecting yet strangely calm and warm. As if she had known that at some point, he would be coming at her.

"I missed you," she told him, her voice so low that he momentarily thought he had imagined it all.

"Have you now?" Rollo tried to laugh it off, but she frowned at this.

"Yes. Yes I have," she simply stated, looking back at the water, lost in her own thoughts.

"I have sometimes thought about it," she then carried on and it was Rollo's turn to frown.

"About what?"

"If I had chosen you, back then. Over Ragnar," Lagertha admitted and Rollo was momentarily lost in his own hopes and dreams. Yes. He had thought about it too.

"So have I. More times than I would like to admit," Rollo stated back and Lagertha shook her head slowly.

"But you have done well in your life, Rollo. You are not overshadow by Ragnar. You never were," She smiled back at him earnestly and he remembered the time he would have given anything just to have her looking at him the way she did. In fact, he was still not sure if he could resist its impact on himself.

"I would have given it all up in a heartbeat if you wanted me to. I would have given it all up just to be with you. And Bjorn," the honest truth escaped his lips before he could stop himself.

"I know you would have, my bear," Lagertha ran her hand gently on the side of his face, stroking his aged, bearded face.

"I'm not much of a bear anymore, am I?" Rollo gave a self-deprecating laugh and Lagertha smiled back at him gently.

"You will always have the ferocity of a bear, when the need comes," Lagertha replied back at him, pulling slowly her hand back, but Rollo took advantage of the situation and took hold of her hand.

"Lagertha, all these years… I've though of you. Of us. And if Bjorn really is my son," Rollo confessed while looking at her, trying to find the truth in her eyes. Lagertha simply sighed, shaking her head slowly.

"Bjorn… We might never know the truth on that matter," she stated back as she pulled her hand back.

"For me, he will always be the son of Ragnar," Lagertha determinedly continued on.

"For me, he will always be _my_ son," Rollo retorted back and Lagertha smiled at his quick response.

"Well, considering all that has happened, I suppose you have the right for that," Lagertha gave him a cunning smile, which still made him feel slightly weak at his knees. How foolish of his brother to betray the trust of such a woman. She had deserved so much more.

"He didn't love you the way you deserved. Ragnar was a fool," Rollo spoke out and Lagertha's smile froze.

"And I suppose you did?" Lagertha arched an eyebrow, giving him a challenging look. Momentarily Rollo remembered how hard it was for him to accept that Lagertha had chosen his brother over him, how he had numerous times made advances to claim her as his own and how she had turned him down each time. Rollo huffed.

"No, I suppose you're right. I was young and arrogant with wounded pride," Rollo recounted.

"So you'll admit that you were a prick?" Lagertha continued to challenge him.

"Fine, I'll admit it. I was a prick," Rollo agreed and they shared almost a comfortable smile.

"But you did deserve more," Rollo carried on, not willing to change the original subject.

"We hardly get what we deserve. The Gods have their own plans," Lagertha replied as her gaze became distant, resting over the plains.

"You're right, of course, as you usually are. But I would have wanted to see you living a happier life," Rollo moved closer to her, looking at the same direction as she did.

"Would you have given me such life?" Lagertha's voice was even and she didn't look at him as he stood right by her side.

"I don't know. I would have tried, at least. And I don't care if the person giving you that life would have been me, my brother or someone else, I would have been comforted by knowing the fact that you were happy," Rollo honestly confessed. Finally Lagertha looked back at him, her gaze now softer and obviously slightly touched by his confession.

"Thank you, old friend," she told him, brushing his hand with her own one.

Rollo simply nodded, patting her hand back.

"If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me," Rollo replied, slowly starting to walk away from her. Lagertha frowned.

"Change my mind. On what exactly?" Lagertha asked, looking at his retrieving back.

"On anything," Rollo replied, looking momentarily back at her before continuing his way to his horse.

Lagertha kept looking at his changed, yet painfully and touchingly familiar figure, her mind lingering on things that had been, could have been and still could be.

* * *

-A/N: This is somewhere between alternate and missing scene from the episode 5.11: Revelation. I don't even know what happened, I just felt the need to write this down: there was simply too much left unsaid between Lagertha and Rollo.


End file.
